eire_roads: Photo of part of a ruined wall of a building with a field behind it. (Aran Island)
[personal profile] eire_roads
I know it's been a while since I've written anything, which is particularly bad considering the only thing I've written so far is a very brief introduction. I am going to try to keep this more regularly updated, even if no one reads it but myself. I kind of hope few people do, because a lot of this is probably going to sound like complaining, which I never like to do too much of if I can help it. However, if I can't complain in my own journal, then where can I?

Seeing as it is 4:05 in the morning where I am, and I have work tomorrow, this will probably be a pretty short post.

Lately I have been feeling a little like an alien among my own people (college students). I'm in my last year as an undergrad, a girl, and I've been feeling lately that my roommates and others around me have suddenly gone relationship crazy as if they will all die lonely spinsters if they don't date in their last year of undergrad. This isn't necessarily how they actually feel, but it's how I feel around them, because I just don't get it at all.

I've always had a very clear idea of the big steps I want to take in life, and dating has always seemed to me to be one of those small steps that can fit anywhere, and might actually be better suited to being put off until later. I have a tendency to put a great deal of myself into relationships, I can't not. When I date people, it's because I'm willing and want to make the time to devote my full attention to it, because it just doesn't seem fair otherwise. Coincidentally, I haven't actually dated much.

It's quite frustrating when I tell people this, because I frequently get looks of pity, as if I'm saying this because I can't find someone to date. This is, in fact, not true. I have sincerely spent most of my life deciding it would be unfair to date someone right now because I have too many other things to focus on; it has nothing to do with if I can find someone or not.

This is why I've been feeling a little like an alien lately. One of my roommates is entering into a new relationship with another friend of mine, and I'm glad. I like both of them a great deal, and they seem good together so far. I wish them well.

My other roommate and friend has a crush on another mutual friend. The difficulty here is that she doesn't know how he feels but doesn't want to ask and find out. Perhaps I'm just bull-headed, but I've never really hesitated in asking people such questions. People are people, crushes included. Anyway, she really wants to be in a relationship, but because she's finding it so frustrating at the moment, she occasionally asks me how I can go through life without crushing on someone (apparently she always has someone).

The thing is, she's not asking in a mean way or anything. In fact, I think she wants to know because she's kind of envious, because I have one less thing to stress about. It still bothers me a bit though, because either way it further sets me apart.

Also, both my friends in college and my friends from middle school (who I am fortunate to still be friends with) have a tendency to ask me relationship advice, despite the fact they have more experience than I do anyway. I help as much as I can, because as I said above people are people and I don't think it should be so hard (though I will admit that could be just because I haven't really had to deal with it yet). However, most of my advice gets ignored anyway, or someone tells me that I'll understand better when I'm finally in a relationship, like I'm five and will "understand when I'm older."

It's unbelievably frustrating, because I get it, I do, and the few relationships I've had have all ended rather well, with us deciding that we make better friends.

For this point in my life right now, that's enough. I'd rather have friends, right now, because friendships have so many amazing benefits.

I guess I just wish that when I say all this one of my friends will understand, instead of looking at me in confusion or pity or dismissal or asking me "how?" as if it's some magic trick I've done instead of a matter of different priorities. :/
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eire_roads: Photo of part of a ruined wall of a building with a field behind it. (Default)

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